4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
People in love make me want to vomit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
