I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
