Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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