they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
