3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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