Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
