Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Operation Purity has been aborted
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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