So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
