He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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