Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
