Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
