HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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