I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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