I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
