break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
