Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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