i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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