Just fell off a train. Bad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
