she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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