I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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