I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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