Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
