Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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