Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
