We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
