I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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