I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
