Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
