In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
