Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
