I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
