I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
