thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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