Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
