none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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