im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
