i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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