I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
