Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
