Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Please, let me fuck your mom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
