3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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