I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
