the condom got lost in my hair
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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