I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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