I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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