True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
