They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
