dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
