where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
