So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
