i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
