Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
