mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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