I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
