There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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