Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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