fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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