I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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