OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
