Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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