guys are not supposed to queef...right?
even my farts smell like vagina
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
