Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
