I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
