Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?

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(515): View more from Iowa

Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.

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(813): View more from Florida

Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!

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(912): View more from Georgia

Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.

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(+34): View more from Spain

Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?

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(727): View more from Florida

Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.

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