Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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