ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize