He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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