Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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