We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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