Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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